Meena Krish ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-03
Its the first time I'm reading about a
chocolate been so desirable and fiery! It is
infact a very delicious treat! Liked the read :)
Sylvia A ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-03
You met the challenge. A love affair with chocolate, wow. It can be hard to resist that wonderful piece of chocolate. Well done.
Lady Nik ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-03
So I want some chocolate lol. Very good job Mel. You did a wonderful job with describing the chocolate and making it seem so real. I loved this poem. Keep it up deary :) Nik
Dave ( F C D )
at 2009-11-03
You did an amazing job with this challenge! You captured the underlying sensual innuendo of chocolate perfectly and tastefully. Another great write!
Dave.
Quiet Insanity ( F C D )
at 2009-11-03
I'll never look at a chocolate bar the same again.
You have definitely gotten the chocolate seduction down . I agree with Dave , tastefully done
DreamOfOlwin ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-03
A challenge well met! Loved it Mel ... Very well done :)
Dixiedaisy ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-03
LOL.... What a very unique write about the love of chocolate. You have done it justice.
As for the grammatical part of the poem, I think there should be no space between with and out. That is the only small thing that I seen as far as any critique of it. As for the message......Yowza! Wonderful job. This was my favorite stanza....
Tantalizing beguiling images tease the senses.
With out regard I am standing before you.
No remembrance of how I came to be here.
Anxiously yet slowly removing your cloak of shame.
^^ Removing the cloak of shame. That is a remarkable line to bring sensuality to undressing the chocolate.
Which I happen to do everyday, I am addicted to the Snickers bars. I heart them.
If you had not put that it was about chocolate I am sure that people would take it a different way, it was very tastefully (no pun intended ) done.
Awesome Job!!!!!!
Take Care,
Kay
yakari gabriel
at 2009-11-03
Amazing ;)
Courageous Dreamer ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-03
Lol you're so original. I loved your word choice and was not at all expecting that this was about chocolate hahaha, well done. Unexpected ending :]
william mae ( F P C )
at 2009-11-03
You are a wonderful writer, that is easy to see, your words will hold anyones attention, and hold for more than a moment.
End Of Eternity ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-04
You got me with this one...is all i would say :)
All the time i was thinking what is this poem doin in this section...lol
And i felt so dirty when i read the last stanza, i guess thats what your plan was..lol
Awesome write indeed, loved it.
all the best and take care
Musicality ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-05
It is quite clear from this piece that you have talent. You use your vocabulary splendiferously. However I believe rest ought to be rests in this line >
"Exposing the naked beauty that rest within."
Tantalizing beguiling images tease the senses.
^Perhaps a comma btw tantalizing and beguiling?
Between Anxiously and yet?->"Anxiously yet slowly removing your cloak of shame."
My senses straining to resist you once again.
Yet my mouth waters for a taste .(maybe replace yet with a different word- still, but...etc. et al.
The construction of ->"Almost orgasmic that last piece of chocolate." seems a little off seeing as the chocolate is the subject of the line- and it's lacking a verb to tie it with the adjective of orgasmic.
Still, I Love this poem! It was a magnificent and sensual portrayal of a chocolatey addiction :)
The Poetic Child ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-05
Wow, amazing how you make something so simple be so rare, delicate and craving
i loved it
Mysterious Charmer ( F C )
at 2009-11-06
I find it amazing and tad funny how something like chocolate, that can't talk or move can be so seductive lol. I found this piece to be quite amusing, and brilliantly worded. An enjoyable read!
Take care,
Mysterious Charmer
kelleyana ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-06
Oh my you mention chocolate, emmmmm, i can't resist it. Reading this poem makes me crave to take a bite. Well done, kel.
Em ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-09
Chocolate is one thing us girls can't resist. This is beautiful and describes chocolate in a way I never thought it would be, well done. 5/5, Em
John Peterson ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-09
Never had chocolate described quite like this before..loved it!!! Awesome
Kuro ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-10
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah
you got me. that was a mean trick. grumble grumble imgoingtogogetsomechocolate grumble grumble
A POETRY COMMUNITY
POEMS