Hebe ( F C )
at 2007-07-02
Such a sweet poem.
Beautiful written, great vocabulary.
My favourite lines:
"More than a thousand laughs
Wouldn't show how happy you make me."
"Forever our hearts will beat together as one."
I enjoyed reading it
Well done
Ps. thanks for commenting my poem.
Bryan ( F P C D )
at 2007-07-02
Dont know, good poem, pretty long though, took me awhile to read, but its a 5/5!!! keep them coming!!!
robin milford ( F P C D )
at 2007-07-02
Beautiful poem
EndOfTheBeginning ( F P C D )
at 2007-07-02
I wish the people didnt die in the poem, i was smiling and smiling, and then, it dropped. i was like how could they die?? ok, i'll stop ranting. the poem is beautiful. absolutely beautiful. the opening stanza captured my attention right away. the flow is great. i like how you added quotations and such in the poem.
And there right in front of her a piece of paper.
"My heart will always and forever belong to you"
^^my favorite lines
5/5
~C.A.M.
Britt ( F C D )
at 2007-07-02
"Her enchanting eyes is like a sparkling diamond."
Is should be are :]]
This is a beautiful poem. Truly loving, and the story line behind it is remarkable. I would eliminate the use of "I" so often in your poems, especially in the beginning of a line. Adding "ed" or "ing" really enhances the flow of a poem rather than sticking in "I". :]]
The first line of a poem sounds like one of my poems..It starts out "An angel came into my life". But then again, I'm sure a ton of poems do that :]] Haha.
Again, truly a beautifully written piece.
livin in a lonely hell ( F P C D )
at 2007-07-02
Very well written so much emotion was felt in this poem and ut was very honset and true this is an osm write
laura
Marc Ortiz ( F P C D )
at 2007-07-02
There you go Britt :) Sorry about that I forgot where I got the 1st line :) I added your name in the bottom of the poem xD
Marian ( F P C D )
at 2007-07-02
I in no way to offend, but I particularly am not keen with your frequent use of I's and variations of tenses in this poem of yours. Certain dialogues were left with no quotation marks as well, and the plot progression wasn't thought-out well. I even sensed the need for more coherent details. Perhaps that's just me, though... Other than those nitpicky details, I'd still give you my props for attempting and exerting a fine effort with this material. Keep on writing what you feel and like. all the best and take care. ~Marian
SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D )
at 2007-07-02
This was a fine work although I do agree with miss debbers above about the constant use of "I" throughout this piece. I did enjoy the feelings portrayed behind this poem andthe meaning was great. Well done none the less on writing a greatly written piece.~mel
BrokenREALiTy ( F P C D )
at 2007-07-03
You use I a lot in the poem . It's getting annoying, and I like you as a poet ! And the ending kind of made my smile drop . There were beautifully illuminating parts in this poem, portraying a gorgeous emotion within it .
Her lips has touch mines, oh how sweet they are.
`That doesn't make sense . Do you mean, Her lips have touched mine ? Or something close ?
Nonetheless, another nicely written piece .
..__MiNDYY
Stephanie Naylor ( F P C D )
at 2007-07-04
I thought it was a very sweet poem and it was nicely written, and the content and vocabularaly made it an even better read. I just loved it, 5/5
Ambar
at 2007-07-05
Excellent poem!! great use of vacabularly----neatly written =) definately 5/5
Sweet Fragility ( F C D )
at 2007-07-05
Love the voc, soo sweet!
except i was so shocked with the ending.. it like, "wait, thats how it ends?" but still great job
my fave lines were:
And there right in front of her a piece of paper.
"My heart will always and forever belong to you"
Mo ( F P C D )
at 2007-07-06
This was a lovely poem - very sad in the end but a beautiful poem of intense love. Good work!
I like it how its so simple - no rhyming scheme or anything to distract or take away from the heartfelt words you're using.
Mo
forever in love ( F P C D )
at 2007-07-06
Hey, the last stanza of your heart realy touched my heart. it was such a good style of writing. i loved the wya you have expressed. you realy know what is the meaning of true love.
i realy approcoate of your work
and i will give you 5/5
take care
disturbed one ( F P C D )
at 2007-07-06
Ooh nice poem
my favorite part was:
Her lips have touched mine, oh how sweet they are.
Suddenly I cough.. And red blood sprayed in the place.
I said.. Sorry I didn't tell you before..
It was my death wish to see your smile
good job keep it up =D
5/5
CEE CEE ( P C D )
at 2007-07-07
Wow i love this poem its reall sweet i hope someone feels that way about me i love when u say "More than a thousand laughs
Wouldn't show how happy you make me" i feel the same way about my boyfriend but i love ya poem
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